gabby.

2012-02-28T15:55:00.019+08:00

After disnyland we went back to Tokyo city and stayed at our original hotel. Really super love that hotel. So on the 5th day of our holiday we first headed to Shinjuku, tokyo's CBD district.

to be honest the place had nothing but a really expensive shopping mall. Hahahaha. I think Raffles Place looks so much more grand as compared to Shinjuku.

Had lunch at a restaurant that was somewhat similar to Yoshinoya and i got to try their beef rice bowl! Omg it was so SOOOOO GOOD!! I swear i can eat their beef rice bowl on a daily basis!!

Next was to the POKEMON CENTRE!! :D i found out about the pokemon centre on the travel guide book that we bought for tokyo and i just had to visit the pokemon centre! to be honest i was quite disappointed when we got there. cos i expected it to be so much bigger but it turned out to be just any other shop that sells pokemon stuff. also they're selling all the new pokemons that i've nvr seen before. So it was a little disappointing. Esp when the boy and i were so excited to visit the place and we thought it was gonna be like a pokemon heaven or something. ):

Pikachu Stapler. How cutie is that?!?

Pikachu Golf Ball! really wanted to buy this for my bro but it was WAYYYYYY too overpriced ):

Next up was the ONSEN!!! aka HOT SPRING!!! How can anyone not visit the hot spring when they're in japan?!? OMGGGGGG~~ IT WAS SOOOOOO GOOD!! This was one of the biggest and better hotspring in tokyo city and it wasnt disappointing at all. SUPER LOVE HOT SPRING!!!

shoe lockers at the entrance.

front desk. the onsen we went to cost about 2000 Yen which is about S$35 and you can stay there for the whole entire day. They open from 11am to 9am the next morning. The boy and i made full use of it and spent a good 4-5 hours there. (:

After you've paid for the hot spring you will be entitled to a set of kimonos! (: there were plenty of designs to choose from! (: afterwards you will have to head into the separate locker rooms to change into the kimonos with only your undies on. i thought it was super cute! (: but i got pretty confused as to what i should be wearing underneath the kimono and i just stood there spying at other people. HAHAHAHA!!

this was the outdoor foot onsen, the only onsen that was mixed gender. there was an outdoor and indoor onsen for both men and women. i swear i got a shock when i walked into the female onsen cos everyone was NAKED!!! I WAS LIKE :O FUCK MY LIFE!!! and i guess japanese women are pretty used to going to onsens naked they were walking around as if nothing was wrong!! i swear i felt so awkward at first. ): also they only gave you a small piece of towel and i was desperately trying to use the small piece of towel to cover my tattoo as they are quite anal about ppl with tattoos visiting the onsen. ): at first i really felt extremely uncomfortable to expose my body to so many strangers and to be honest i was pretty traumatised cos, no offense but japanese women are SO FRAKING HAIRY!! There was like BUSHES EVERYWHERE!! I WAS SERIOUSLY LIKE :O :O :O!! The boy said in the men's onsen some of there were so hairy you couldnt even seen their dicks. HAHAHAHAHA!!

the boy in the men's kimono. i thought he looked extremely cutie! :D

inside the place it was like a little town. super love the concept of the place! they have food, entertainment, shopping, bars, you name it they have it! and at the front desk you were given this tag so whenever you wanna buy something in the little town you can just scan your tag and you'll only have to pay for it after you checked out of the onsen!

On the second story there was a rest and relaxation area whereby there were big comfy chairs with mini tv attached to them. i swear after the first round of onsen the boy and i were feeling extremely nua so we spent quite awhile at the r&r place. had to make full use of our money! :D by the end of the night i really couldnt bare to say bye to the onsen! like-a-shiok only~~

since we were both feeling so nua from the onsen, we went back to our hotel area to have our dinner. i swear i was nvr a fan of katsudon, in fact i hated katsudon! but after the japan trip I FREAKING LOVEEEEE KATSUDON NOW!!! the katsudon in japan was SOO SOO YUMMY!!

The following day the boy and i went for the One day Mount Fuji tour, i knew it wasnt gonna be good cos it was raining early in the morning and it rained throughout the day, so i was pretty prepared to not see mount fuji at all. I thought the tour was a little overpriced, we paid $170USD each but they will bring you to quite a number of locations besides mount fuji, also it includes the bullet train tickets back to tokyo which cost about 3600 Yen which is about S$60 and a ferry ride as well as a ropeway experience. So i guess it was ok! (:

This was the only time we actually got to see a gleams of monut fuji. the weather was really really bad!!

The tour was suppose to bring us up to the 5th station of mount fuji but due to the rain and the fact that it was snowing up at mount fuji. we couldnt go any further than the first station. So disappointing. ):

Becos we didnt want to pay an extra 50 bucks for lunch we had to settle our own lunch. So we had lunch at this european-like cafe. super love the deco of the place. i told the boy that if we get married next time i want a room like that so i can invite all the other taitais over for tea everyday. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!

pretty pretty tea cup set! :D

trying out the different effects on my camera.

love the view! :D

the boy was trying to be cute and wanted to do the "thinking" post. HAHAHAHA!! So cutie!

ferry ride along lake ashi.

i bet if it wasnt for weather the view would have been fantastic! ):

this was our EXTREMELY ADORABLE tour guide!! he's japanese but he tried so hard to speak english which was extemely cutie! and he kept repeating himself, totally entertaining!! hahahaha!!

Ropeway to the top of the Hakone mountain. at first the tour guide was like we're going on a ropeway, but due to his japanese accent i swear we all thought he said we're going on a rocket! we were all like WTF?!? hahahaha!! if the weather's good you will be able to see a full view of mount fuji while being on the ropeway, but due to the bad weather we saw nothing but clouds! ):

on the way up with the tour group!

it was so foggy we could barely see anything!

on top of the Hakone mountain!

yes the ropeway was pretty old. built since the 1960s.

while riding the ropeway down we were actually among the clouds! yes the mountain was that high up!

also we could see the tip of another mountain!

the weather got a little better while we were on our way down! super love this photo!

so basically, we didnt see anything that day! HAHAHA! total waste of money if you ask me. Atleast the bullet train ride made up for it. (:

Inside of the bullet train. the bullet trains are split into many different types. short trips bullet trains only have non-reserved seats whereas longer distance bullet train have non-reserved seats, reserved seats and first class cabin.

the boy got bored after awhile and couldnt stop camwhoring. -.-

japan's country side. these were all the rice fields where they grow yummy japanese rice! super duper WUPER LOVE JAP RICE!!!! :D

he got tired of camwhoring by himself and got me to camwhore with him. -.-

since it was our 2nd last day in japan i wanted to try their unagi don in japan. so we went to this nice little restaurant near our hotel. unagi seems to be really expensive in japan. everywhere we checked, nothing was below 2ooo Yen, but me being me, just had to spend the money to try atleast once!

the best ocha i've ever tasted!

my unagi don. the shop owner was extremely helpful and taught me how to eat the unagi don the japanese way. you're suppose to eat unagi don in 3 different ways. 1st round you have to put some of the rice and unagi into a separate bowl and eat it with wasabi, who knew wasabi tasted SO GOOD with rice? ever since that day the boy and i started eating all our rice with wasabi. 2nd round you're suppose to eat it with all the so called "spices" which was the spring onion and seaweed and lastly you're suppose to finish the remaining with the miso soup poured into the don. all 3 times the unagi don tasted so different, 3 totally different experience! the boy said its like some atas unagi dinning way. HAHAHAHA! no shit it was atas, the unagi don i ordered was the cheapest on the menu and it was about 2950 Yen which is about S$50! and the most expensive one they had was 7700 Yen, which is about S$130!! but it was worth every cent!!

the boy's teriyaki chicken which was super tasty too! pls don think that i abused my bf and made him eat teriyaki chicken while i was happily enjoying my $50 unagi don. he's just not a fan of unagi! hahahahahaha!!

this was our last lunch in tokyo. on our last day in tokyo, we nua-ed in the hotel til it was check out time and went to ginza to have lunch. ginza is like some high-end district. they have all the branded good there and there was this huge ass departmental store which sold all the branded goods. specially went ginza just so we could go to the GUCCI CAFE!! HAHAHAHA!

in the Ginza district there was not only the Gucci Cafe, they had the Sawrovski cafe as well as the Bvlgari cafe. but the gucci cafe was the most famous.

GUCCI CAFE! I SWEAR I WAS SOOOOOOO FREAKING HAPPY TO FINALLY VISIT THE GUCCI CAFE!!! :D :D :D

The Gucci store in Ginza is the 2nd biggest in the world, its made up of 8 stories and the gucci cafe's on the 4th story. Although i have nvr been a fan of gucci but the cafe was sooo SOOOOO AMAZING!! I swear if i stayed in tokyo i will go there for coffee on a weekly basis!!

HAPPYGAL1991! (: (: (:

cafe latte. i swear the coffee art was so well done, doesnt really show in this picture but it was sooo SOOOOOO pretty i didnt even wanna touch it!

the boy's hot chocolate. they literally melted a cup of chocolate. -.-

the boy actually order this, cant remember what it was called, creme something. i took one bite and i was like ok this is MINE!!! hahahaha. it tasted like creme brulee and i ABSOLUTELY LOVEEEEE CREME BRULEE. but it's ice cream on the bottom instead.

So the boy was stuck with my apple crumble instead. but i took one bite of the apple crumble and i was like OMG! I WANNA CHANGE BACK!!! but he refused to let me have back my original dessert. the apple crumble was sooo SOOOOOO good as well!! So all together we spent about S$100 at the Gucci cafe. i think it was the most expensive meal we had in japan and it was just on two dessert and two drinks. HAHAHAHAHA!! I kept telling the boy it was a once in a life time thing cos he said i'm crazy to be spending this kinda money on desserts. HAHAHAHAHA!!

SUPER DUPER WUPER IN LOVE WITH THE GUCCI CAFE!! I think it was the highlight of my whole entire trip!! i will wanna go back and visit all the other branded cafes one day. i really hope they will open one in sg as well!! i swear i will go there on a weekly basis even if it's just to drink a cup of S$17 cafe latte! HAHAHAHAHAHA!!

Afterwards we walked around a little and becos we had no more Yen left and all the money changer were closed, we had to go back to the hotel to get our luggage and head to the airport just to change money so we could atleast buy some gifts and have dinner. my last meal in tokyo was katsudon! i swear, i'm SOOOOOOOO in love with their katsudon!!

the boy was extremely happy with his last meal in tokyo, cos he got to eat everything he liked, sashimi don & soba noodles. all his fav. (:

we were like 5 hours early for our flight cos we had to go to the airport just to change money since we were out of Yen thanks to the gucci cafe. but like i said the Gucci cafe was a once in a life time experience. totally worth it!! :D

so this concludes my japan trip. (: had alot of fun with the boy and we got to spend alot of time together, which was much needed esp due to the fact that i have been very busy in the last 3 weeks of my exhibition. and being a "new" couple we got to know each other alot better during the trip. (:

having serious withdrawal syndromes now. the two of us have been missing japan like crazy! everyday we're like OMG WISH WE WERE STILL IN JAPAN!! cant wait for another holiday with the boy. we're planning for atleast two more holidays together before having to return to aussie! really cant wait for our next trip together! :D <3

2012-02-27T14:48:00.026+08:00

So on the 3rd & 4th day of our trip we headed to Tokyo Disney Sea and Tokyo Disneyland! One of the reasons why i wanted to go Japan was becos of the fact that they had a Disneyland in Tokyo. Sad to say cos i've been to the Disneyland in both Paris and Hong Kong, Tokyo was somewhat the same. Most of the rides were repeated, so i was pretty disappointed. ): But nonetheless it was still magical. Ever since Paris Disneyland i have always wanted to visit disneyland with a lover. Cos the thought of it was just so fairytale like and the boy fulfilled my wish! :D

We had a pretty bad experience on the first day. ): Initially we wanted to check in our luggage at our hotel near disneyland before heading over to disneyland but me being the bimbo that i am got the hotel wrong and wasted alot of time trying to find the wrong hotel. so our day started pretty badly and the boy got rather annoyed at me for being so stupid. In the end we had to bring our luggage along with us to disneyland. ): But thank god at disneyland they had this luggage service, you can deposit you luggage there for 700 Yen a day. So thank god for that!

Disney Resort Line! It goes around to 4 different locations. Disneyland, Disney Hotels, Disney Sea and the main train station that links Disneyland to the rest of Tokyo.

the train is super cutie! :D

TOKYO DISNEY SEA! (: (: (:

We bought the 2 day passport to disneyland, one day for disney sea and one day for disneyland. it cost 10,700 Yen which is about S$180.

just had to buy one of those minnie ears, it's so disney! :D

My fav disney princess ARIEL! :D super love this photo! Becos this year is Tokyo Disney Sea's 10th Anni. there was alot of this kinda statues around. (:

got my ariel bucket full of popcorn. (: this was the only ariel thing i bought from disney. ): cos things were really expensive. Normally in disney i will spend hell loads on all the goodies they have in the stores. but maybe that's only becos i was either with my parents or my relatives. when it comes to the fact that i have to pay for them, i actually find everything super expensive! HAHAHA!!

All the rides at Disneysea had a nvr ending Q! As i've mentioned earlier, we had a very bad start to the day cos i got the hotel mixed up. so by the time we got to Disneysea we were both pretty annoyed and it becomes even more annoying when no one could speak proper english in Disneysea, it was so hard to ask for anything! ): Becos most of the rides had such a long Q and no one in Disneysea could explain to us how to use the fast pass we were extremely frustrated. plus the dear boy actually lost me at Disneysea for a good hour. ): And you thought the day couldnt get worst but it did! We Q-ed 1 hr plus for another ride and just when we were close to taking the ride, the ride broke down! Fuck our lives!

This ride was honestly the highlight of our day! at first we couldnt decide if we wanted to take this ride cos it sounded lame. It's called 2000 leagues under the sea. but the fact that we really didnt get to take many rides at all we were both like wth, just give it a try. and it happened to be the best ride of our disney experience!! i tried to take pictures while being on the ride but it was moving too fast and once again my camera sucks! so i wasnt able to capture the experience! It really made you feel as if you were 2000 leagues under the sea! (:

the night show at Disney Sea. Becos no one could speak english, we had no idea there was a night show and we just happened to see it while exiting from disneysea.

That concludes our 1st day at DisneySea. To be honest it wasnt a very gd experience but the day did get better. Afterwards we finally went to the right hotel, checked in and went for dinner. After a long day of unfortunate events the boy and i really wanted to treat ourselves to a good dinner.

Since the boy have been craving for BBQ food since day 1, we decided to have Korean BBQ for dinner. Honestly this was the best Korean BBQ i have ever had in my life!!

The service was super good as well!

each table was given a mini stove to do your BBQ on! (:

This apron/ napkin thingy made me feel as if i was at Hurricanes Grill in Sydney! OMG! MISS HURRICANES RIBS SOOO SOOOOOOO MUCH!!

squid

pork.

best beef i have ever had at a Korean BBQ!!

sesame salad. i'm a sucker for veggies! the salad was superrrr awesome!!

bibimbap. i've nvr been a fan of bibimbap but this one was sooooo delicious!!

complimentary milky ice cream! super loves it! So the meal was rather pricey. Both of us spent about 5500 Yen on dinner which is about S$90++ but it was worth every cent!!

after dinner we were both extremely full so we decided to walk around the huge ass shopping mall called Ikspiri which is linked to one of the Disneyland Hotels. super love the ambiance of the shopping mall!

The next day we got up bright and early for Disneyland! (: Learned our mistake from the day before. So i planned out as to which rides we wanted to take in Disneyland, where we wanted to go and what time all the parades will be happening,the night before so we wont waste so much time wondering around aimlessly in disneyland.

we completed all the so called exciting rides in Disneyland. It was really disappointing cos i've taken most of them before at the other two disneylands i've visited. and there wasnt any extremely thrilling rides. ):

super cute baby in stitch outfit! I swear all japanese babies/kids are FUCKING ADORABLE!! the boy and i felt like pedos, we kept on looking out for super cute babies! HAHAHAHA!!

the boy saw the ice cream in mickey mouse shape and die die wanted to try the ice cream though he was freezing his ass off. so cutie! hahaha.

The boy and i packed bread in my little Ariel Bucket for the day, not only becos food in Disneyland was totally overprice but also becos the Q for food is nvr ending as well. So Singaporean. HAHAHA!!

While waiting for the day parade to start these two super cute boys were sitting behind us. the boy in grey is super good looking and kept playing with the boy! sadly he's not as photogenic. But i swear, he's the best looking toddler we saw in japan! So cutie!

Disneyland Day Parade! Disneyland parades are the reason why i love disneyland SO SO MUCH!! The night parade is definitely my fav part of disneyland! :D

Beauty & the Beast!

Pocahontas!

Tigger! My other fav disney character! (:

Lion King! One of the boy's fav disney movie! (:

Lilo & Stitch! One of my fav disney movies! (:

Peter Pan!

Pinocchio!

Toy Story!

Monsters Inc. Another one of the boy's fav! He kept asking where's boo where's boo?!? So cutie! Hahahahahha!!

Incredibles!

Last up to end the parade, all the classic disney characters!

The haunted mansion ride which my whole family backed out in Paris cos it seemed so SCARY!! Hahaha. But the ride wasnt scary at all. If my mum actually took this ride she will feel like a retard for backing out from the Paris one! HAHAHA!!

it's a small world ride. One of my all time fav rides in Disneyland but the boy didnt wanna waste time on these kinda kiddy rides. so we skipped quite a number of the childish looking rides.

back of the famous disneyland castle! (:

LOVEEEEE this photo! So fairytale like! :D

Front of the Disneyland Castle!

The boy's fav ride in Disneyland! The monsters inc ride! it was pretty cute!

Finally it was time for the Night Parade but i was literary dying before the night parade started! My headache acted up again. But i insisted on staying for the night parade even though i was on the verge of dying becos i want the boy to enjoy the night parade since he's nvr been to disneyland before, plus it was my fav part of disneyland and also to watch the night parade with my lover was my all time dream. So i just had to force myself to go through with it. By the end of the parade, it was totally worth it to stay on despite the headache!

Alice in Wonderland!

I honestly have no idea what disney character this is! i thought it was how to train a dragon but i think the movie's by dreamworks instead?

Snow White! The boy kept asking where are the seven dwarfs! He was acting like a little kid during the parade! and i swear the whole day in disneyland he was trying to be minnie mouse and run like minnie mouse! Extremely cutie!! Hahahahaha!!

Peter Pan!

Aladdin! This was my fav during the night parade! (:

Winnie the Pooh!

Toy Story!

Finding Nemo! One of my fav disney movies as well! (:

Monsters Inc! The boy was so happy when he saw sully carrying boo on his back. He was like boo so cute boo so cute. take photo take photo! HAHAHAHAHA! He was extremely adorable!!

Cinderella!

Mary Poppins and Pinocchio!

Marie the cat and a few other classic disney characters!

That concludes our 3rd & 4th day in Tokyo! Although something went wrong on both days in DisneySea and Disneyland but it was still as magical! :D i must say i cannot help but to feel a little disappointed with Tokyo Disneyland cos most of the rides were repeated rides from other Disneylands and also the fact that none of their staff could speak proper english was really frustrating for us. you would expect the staffs in disneyland to be able to speak atleast a little bit of english so they could explain certain things to the visitors and to accommodate the english speaking tourists. BUT NOOOOOOO. there wasnt one staff that could even form a sentence in english. very disappointing, esp when almost all the staff in HK & Paris Disneyland were all very fluent in english.

But it was still a place worth going. How can anyone say no to disneyland right? Now i'm only left with the disneylands in US and the upcoming one in Shanghai and i will be able to conquer all the disneylands in the world! :D me is happygal1991! <3

2012-02-27T09:39:00.012+08:00

HI PEEPS! JAPAN WAS SO FREAKING AWESOMEEEEEEE!!!! Omg i miss Japan so SO MUCH!!! It was such an awesome trip. To be very honest i think Japan is a little overrated, it was good but not that awesome. What made the trip extremely awesome was the fact that i got to spend every single min and every single sec with the boy! :D But nonetheless it was still a very enjoyable trip. (: I'm gonna slip the trip into a few different posts cos altogether we took 700++ close to 800 photos. Also i wanna record the trip as detailed as possible so i'll be able to look back one day and reminisce. heehee. (:

So the boy and i left for Japan on the friday night 17th feb. Reached Japan at 6 in the morning. But becos NO ONE at the airport was able to speak proper english and we were trying to buy a SIM card for our phones we spent like 1hr++ at the airport trying to figure out where you can get a SIM card for your phone. I thought it was pretty retarded that in such a IT advance country like Japan, they don even have 3G SIM cards for travellers. Which was a disappointment cos i wanted to tweet and fb on the go.

First we headed to our Hotel in Akasaka to check in our luggage before going else where.
The train ticketing machine. Trains are pretty expensive compared to Singapore but about the same as compared to aussie. Also, if you are travelling along the Tokyo Metro line only, then its advisable to get the one day ticket which cost 780 Yen (S$13) for unlimited usage, but it was pretty retarded cos the Tokyo Metro line doesnt really cover the whole of Tokyo, so when you wanna go certain places you've still got to buy an extra ticket for other metro lines on top of that. What the boy and i did was to make sure our Hotel was along the Tokyo Metro Line and everyday we will check the itinerary to see if its worth it to buy the One Day pass.

View of Mount Fuji from the airport. Although we went for the Mount Fuji One day tour but due to the weather i think this was the only time i actually got to see Mount Fuji.

Tokyo Train Tickets. After we gotten to our hotel to checked in our luggage and headed out to our first destination.

We happened to bump into a group of Geishas at the train station. OMG THEY WERE SO FREAKING PRETTYYYYY!! They looked SO elegant in their Kimonos. I couldnt stop staring at them!! To be honest in general, all Japanese girls are SUPER PRETTY!! The boy and i were checking out girls all the time and it was really an eye feast for the boy. They have super good skin too, i felt EXTREMELY UGLY when i was in japan! ):

So our first stop was the Famous Tsukiji Fish Market. They're famous for their fish auctions but in order to catch the fish auctions you have to be there at 5am and everyday they only allow 20 tourist to watch the fish auction. so no thank you! the boy and i went there just to eat their Sashimi. There were as few restaurants that sells Sashimi. But being Singaporeans, we decided to try the one with the longest Q. Cos long Q= super good and worth trying no? Hahahahha!!

Waiting in Q for the Sashimi

We Q-ed for about a good 45mins-1hour. But to be honest it was TOTALLY WORTH IT! I will Q for it anytime!

THE BEST SASHIMI I HAVE EVER HAD IN MY LIFE!! And i thought the sashimi at Sydney Fish Market was imba but the one there was BEYONDDDDDDD Heavenly!! The boy kept wanting to go back there to have the Sashimi again. Hahaha.

Next stop was the Imperial Palace. As you can see Japan was mother f-ing COLD! I was dying on the first day and cos all my winter clothes are in aussie i had nothing much to wear and had to put on the boy's father's wind breaker which made me look like a freaking balloon just to keep warm. ):

The Imperial Palace was pretty alright. Nothing much to see, it was just a temple for people to pray. Inside the Palace there was the Yushukan Museum. i don really know what kind of museum its suppose to be but i guess its a history museum. wasnt interested at first until i saw the fact that they actually touched on the Wars and i just HAD TO GO IN!! I absolutely LOVE WAR MUSEUMS! Was desperately trying to google for one when i was planning the trip. The museum didnt have much English explanations and there was no chinese explanations at all. i think its largely due to the fact that the War records were ermmm how do you put it, inaccurate? like the japanese still refuse to admit their mistakes and acknowledge the things that they've done. Also the boy was dead bored in the museum, so i didnt have the time to go through everything. But oh well, it was still worth visiting. (:

I thought it was really cute that on their metro they had a cabin whereby the seats are reserved for Women only! Hahaha. If only sg had this then maybe i will take the train a little more often! (:

So after the Imperial Palace we headed back to our hotel for some rest. We were dead beaten esp me, cos i spent the whole 6 hours on the plane watching all the in-flight entertainment and i didnt get any slp. We stayed at the Hotel Monterey Akasaka. HIGHLY RECOMMAND THIS HOTEL!! Great location!! There was streets and streets of jap food behind our hotel and there's a big shopping mall nearby, there's money changer, cafes and convenience stores right around the corner. the train station is 5 mins away. It cost about S$120 a night. Their rooms were lovely! Totally recommend this hotel!!

After a good few hours of slp we headed to TOKYO TOWERS! (: So sad that the Special Observatory was closed for renovation so we could only visit the main observatory.

The view was awesome! You could see the whole of japan's skyline from the main observatory. The bridge in this picture is the famous Tokyo Rainbow Bridge. Super pretty looking at night! (:

There was a cafe on the second floor of the main observatory. and it was well decorated with lights. super pretty!

Tried the famous Tokyo Bananas in the shopping centre below Tokyo Towers. Super yummy! (: only bought a small box cos i thought hmmm since it's so famous it must be everywhere right? BUT NOOOOOOO! I didnt see it anywhere else in japan except the airport. FML!

We went to this curry house near our hotel for a late dinner. Totally not a fan of Japanese Curry, had to eat it cos apparently the boy loves jap curry and cos it was so late it was one of the only stores that were still opened. To be honest, i'm quite disappointed with Tokyo's nightlife. it was a Sat night and the streets were EMPTY at 10pm!! And most of the shops were closed. i thought tokyo was suppose to be pretty happening at night. guess not. ):

Breakfast for the 2nd day. Got up bright and early! (: Super unusual for me to wake up for breakfast.

After breakfast we visited the Yushima Tenjin Shrine. The shrine is famous for Plum viewing in feb.

Bought an Ema to write our wishes on! Just had to do it, it was so japanese. Hahaha. Most of the Ema had wishes like good health and passing exams to get into a good university. So i guess it must have been their exam period.

Secret as to what was written on the Ema. If i showed everyone then it wont come true right? But if you're bored you can zoom into the picture and try to figure out what we wrote! HAHAHAHA!

If you are willing to pay 500 Yen per person you will be able to enjoy a traditional tea ceremony.

Some weird food that the boy insisted on trying. it's like fried chicken in between breads. there was so many food stores in the shrine that day cos the day we went happen to be on the day the shrine was having celebration. so there was so many food stores around and there was so many activities to do as well.

Plum tree! (: We went there specially for Plum viewing. but we happened to go a little too early, not all the plum trees were in full bloom, this was the only tree that was blooming. usually by the end of feb the whole shrine will be filled with full bloomed plum trees! (:

Amoung all the activities, the boy and i decided to go for this one. These were all students from Tokyo Univerisity's Anime drawing club.

Honestly the drawing looked so much better upside down! this was just BAD! HAHAHAHA!!

Next stop was SHIBUYA! This is the famous SHIBUYA CROSSING!! (: (: Shibuya is like Sg's Orchard Road. its a hang out place for teens. I must say, japanese ppl really know how to dress, majority of them are pretty fashionable. I really admire how japanese girls are able to dress in shorts skirts while i was fully wrapped up in a million and one layers.

waiting to cross the road. the boy and i probably crossed the road more than 5 times just so we could take pictures of the crossing. Hahaha.

Shibuya 109 paradise for GIRLS! 13 floors of woman appareals!! It was paradise just looking at the clothes. didnt shop at all in japan. cos clothes were SOOOOO EXPENSIVE!! Like shibuya 109 is sorta like Far East plaza and the cheapest tops were like atleast 80-90 bucks! WAYYYYY too expensive. Also, alot of the japanese shops sells those really cutie outfits for the "good girl look". The boy said it didnt suit me. HAHAHAHA!!Famous Ciggs vending Machine! I swear there are vending machines EVERYWHERE in japan! Like every 5mins you see a vending machine!

For lunch i finally got to try the RAMEN VENDING MACHINE THINGY!! RAMEN IS MY ABSOLUTE FAV JAPANESE DISH!!! :D

Sad to say the Ramen wasnt that good. honestly Menya ramen in Sydney taste wayyy better than the one we tried. After that i didnt get another chance to try other ramens cos the boy is not a fan of ramen. ): Cool toilet seat! Love how their toilet seats are warm! makes you wanna go to the toilet all the time during winter. Also the moment you sit on the toilet seat there will be this automated water flowing sound which is suppose to help you pee better. HAHAHA! I thought that was pretty cute!

Becos the boy wanted to see what Shibuya looks like at night with all the Neon lights, we had to find somewhere to slack till nightfall. This cafe is located somewhere in Shibuya. Highly recommanded!!

love the ambiance of the cafe and LOVE the fact that you can smoke in most of the cafes and restaurants in japan!

Caramel Latte. Absolutely love japanese coffee! All the coffees i've tried in japan were pretty good. Esp this one! Although the place is a little pricey. This cup of coffee costed 600 Yen which is about S$10 but it was totally worth it!! Ciggs+coffee+talk cock, my ABSOLUTE FAV THING TO DO!!

Shibuya with the Neon lights. it was a lot prettier, but my camera sucks! ):

Since we were both pretty full from the ramen in the afternoon and the coffee. we decided to skip dinner and head to Tokyo Dome City.

Tokyo Dome is famous for its Baseball Stadium. Since it wasnt the Baseball season we didnt manage to catch any of the baseball match and i think we went a little too late, we didnt get to visit the baseball stadium too. ): I was pretty disappointed with Tokyo Dome City. Becos there were suppose to be alot of activities to do but maybe becos it was in winter and it was pretty late in the night the place had NOTHING! ):

So this concludes the first 2 days of my japan trip! (: Next up will be Disneyland and DisneySea! (:

Blogging about japan just make me miss Japan even more than i already do. ): Really wish i was still in japan. ): Oh well, all good things must come to an end right? Till the next post! <3

2012-02-09T00:55:00.007+08:00

Hi!!! :D i'm in a very chirpy mood today! EXACTLY ONE WEEK TO JAPANNNNN!!! OMG I CANT FUCKING WAITTTTTTTT!!! :D RAMEN COME TO MAMA!! I'm going to stuff my face with endless jap food!! really cant wait! i'm beyondddddd excited!! cannot remember the last time i was this excited to go overseas. cos most of the time going overseas=going back to aussie. so this brings me to what i'm going to blog about today.

i'm no LDR expert that's for sure. but i've been receiving alot of questions on fs regarding LDR. so i might as well blog about it.

yes, i have been through LDR before, but it was a horrible one. i am one of those ppl who had a really bad experience with LDR and no longer believe in them. i must warn you, i am EXTREMELY PESSIMISTIC about LDR. i think LDR is a waste of time, effort and money. although yes i should be believing in LDR now since my bf and i will have to atleast experience 3 months of LDR. but i am indeed still very negative about it.

i really do envy those who actually make it through LDR. but to me LDR doesnt make sense at all. it doesnt make sense that two people spend more time being apart than being together. also ppl say it's not that bad cos after awhile you actually get used to it. yes, it is a gd thing cos maybe it makes it easier to live through everyday, but i beg to defer, becos if you're comfortable being in a LDR that will only mean that you guys are comfortable being apart. then what's the point of being together in the first place?

i think the one thing that i absolutely hated the most about LDR was how emotionally draining it was. i felt like LDR sucked the soul outta me. firstly, it always sucks to say goodbye and the first month overseas without ur partner is always the hardest, the nonstop crying, the "i really FUCKING MISS HIM/HER", the "i wish you could be here", the hugs & kisses;it just sucks, COMPLETELY! But yea indeed, after awhile you get used to it and it gets better, but once you feel like u're feeling much better, it's time for you to go home and you get comfortable at home with ur partner then it's time to leave AGAIN! it's just a non-stop vicious cycle. and to me that was the most draining part of LDR and that was the thing i hated most! not forgetting, after awhile you start to question yourself as to why you had to do this to the r/s and why did you choose to go overseas to study and make life so difficult for you and your partner. i think that really killed me a little inside when i started blaming myself for what was happening becos i was the selfish one who chose to go overseas and put my partner and i in the position of having to go through LDR.

another thing which i absolutely hate about LDR is being the only one that was putting in the effort. i always knew that my ex wasnt the texting kind, well atleast he didnt like texting me. but i thought maybe being overseas will change that. sadly it didnt and due to time difference and his body clock, we probably only exchanged 5-6 whatsapp msges on average everyday and that really sucked when you're dying to talk to your partner. also when i was in the LDR i actually can count the number of times we skyped becos the other person didnt want to make an effort. i believe this played a very big part as to why my last r/s didnt work out and why i ended up taking to someone else and cheated on my ex. the feeling really sucks when the other person dont want to put in any effort at all to communicate with you when you're overseas, it just shows how much the r/s actually means to him/her in the first place.

not forgetting all the trust issues and all the insecurities. to me i nvr really fully trusted my ex, i think i closed one eye to alot of things that was happening in our r/s. which made long d so much harder, becos deep down inside i didnt trust him a single bit. all those slpless night i had when he went clubbing and all those times i found out that he went clubbing without even telling me and the fact that he was talking to girls behind my back when i was in sg, i could not imagine how often he was talking to girls when i was overseas. that just absolutely SUCKED!

after awhile when the communication is no longer there you just feel like you guys have definitely drifted apart, you have no idea what is going on in his life and he has no idea what is going on in you life too. you feel like you guys are slowly fading away in each other's life. all the quarrels and all the fighting you have to deal with when you're all alone in a totally foreign country, trying so hard to get used to the life overseas and struggling with school was a total bitch for me too. also i was very restricted in a sense that i couldnt really make friends, becos making friends whom are guys are totally outta the question and being able to find a few gd girls friends are hard too becos girls tend to be bitchy. also becos you don want your partner to worry you will cut down on minimum socialisation.

lastly, the worst out of the worst is when your partner breaks up with you when u're overseas. THAT WAS THE HARDEST THING I EVER EVER HAD TO GO THROUGH IN MY LIFE! The pain was a kind of pain i have nvr ever experienced in my life before. i was truly at the lowest point of myself. i really cant even describe the kind of pain, it just felt like death, it just felt as if you have lost everything, including your soul. and i nvr ever want to go through that pain again or put myself in that position again.

please don ever expect LDR to be easy, becos it was one of the hardest thing i ever had to go through in my life. but of cos i always tell people, you wont know till you've tried. i wont say there's no harm trying becos there's so much harm. however, i always believe that if you guys are meant to be together then you'll make it through, if you dont, that just means that you guys are not meant to be together. but you'll have to question yourself as to whether the r/s is worth the pain and worth the gamble.

although i am still very negative with regards to LDR and my bf knows it as well, but i am indeed going to give it a try. becos he may be coming overseas to join me next feb and that will be the only thing which will keep me going everyday. when you think about it if we could spend the next 6 years being together all the time then what's 3 months being apart right? although i donno whether my bf is the one, but he has showed alot of signs that he is worthy of me trying LDR with, so i really do hope he is the one for me and we will be able to work everything out.

to all those couples who are doing LDR out there, i really do give you my best wishes and to my friends who are doing long d or whom are going to do long d, i really hope you guys are one of those couples who make it through. to all those couples who made it through long d, i give you all my respect and i cannot express how envy i am of you guys. lastly to my bf, i love you because you believe in me, for that will be try my very best. <3

HAPPY 21ST SIDDIQ!!!

long lost sec sch friend! (:

i lub chuxz kim THOOOOOOOO~~~

something my mentor and i did for the operation interns for AMM on the last day of the exhibition!
YAY YAY YAY!! Last day of exhibition!!! :D :D :D
the AMM crew!
BEST BEST BESTTTTT MENTOR IN THE WORLD!! (Y)

2012-02-05T11:08:00.004+08:00

YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY!! Tmr is the last day of the exhibition!! CANT BELEIVE ITS FINALLY COMING TO AN END!! Cant decide whether i'm happy or not. i'm happy cos i no longer have to work as hard and deal with all the bullshit this exhibition has thrown at me. but i do think that i'm going to miss it to a certain extend, after all it was months and months of hard work. nonetheless i'm just happy that it's finally coming to an end. i can finally stop walking about sg expo.

Cant believe i went back to work on both sat and sun for the exhibition. and tmr's only monday wtf! tmr should be weds instead. but of cos it's all worth it, we have had more than 20k visitors for the weekend. guess in the end all our hardwork did not go to waste. sometimes i cannot believe how committed i am to my job. i swear i have a love-hate r/s with my job. i really really do love what i'm doing, but when it starts to get tiring, i start to hate it! i hate the fact that i love my job so much. ): day after day, no matter how tired i get, i still manage to pull myself out of bed at 7 in the morning and find myself looking forward to work. i think there is something extremely wrong with me. i cant love events that much can i? the boy say i can deny it all i want, but it's obvious that i do love my job. hahahaha. oh well.

11 MORE DAYS TO JAP JAPPPPP!! CANTTTT FREAKING WAIT!!! Though i've yet to plan out the daily itineraries and i just wanna kill myself for wanting to plan it to details, up to the very point of needing to know how long it takes from one station to the other and how much does one train ticket cost. i guess this is what happen when an event person wants to go on a holiday. i need to have a standard SOP. HAHAHAHAHA.

5 more months till my internship ends which means 5 more months till its time for aussie again!! i cant decide whether or not i'm looking forward to going back. I really do miss my aussie lifestyle and i really do miss aussie in general, i miss being carefree, having all the freedom in the world, not having your parents to nag at u about everything constantly. but i know that i have gotten used to being in sg, i'm at the very comfortable stage again. ): plus, i've got a bf in sg now and i'm going to miss all my friends here in sg. its true when they say home is where the heart is. nonetheless, i still cant contain the excitement of going back esp if i can transfer, i'll be able to go to a brand new state in aussie. if i am able to transfer to UQ, i will wanna work part time at Movie World/ Sea World/ Wet n Wild. I wanna continue working in events. (: I know that i am going to miss my internship, although i definitely will not miss having to woke up at 7 every damn morning. I really want to be able to continute doing events even when i'm studying and also to earn some extra cash. i wanna be able to earn enough to save up for my own car. (:

Hopefully after tmr i will be able to have more time for the boy and my friends. havent had much of a social life in the last 2 weeks cos of the exhibition. and i wanna be able to slack a little and pray that i wont be as busy in the office, atleast until mid march before working on the Sports Conference in April. Just a breather, a FAMOUS FOOTBALL star will be coming for the sports conference in april! EXTREMELYYYYYY EXCITED!! I CROSS MY FINGERS, HOPE AND PRAY THAT IT'S GOING TO BE RONALDO!!!!!!!!!!! my mentor refuse to tell me cos of sercurity reasons, but i am sooooooo going to dig it out of him before it's officially announced. (: Now that the exhibition is over i will be able to blog more often! (: so till next time peeps! <3

love you girlsssss! (Y) (Y) (Y) two of mah fav peeps. (Y)

girlfrienddddddd~~ andre's chubby cheeks! hi there love! :D double datesssss.

long lost guy bestfriend! cutie pie! :D

2012-01-27T10:45:00.006+08:00

SUP SUPPPPPP!! I'M EXTREMELY EXCITED!! JUST BOOKED MY FLIGHT TOOO...JAPANNNNNNN!! HEEHEEEHEEHEE!! OMG I'M SOOOOO EXCITED!! I have nvr been to japan before! and japan is definitely on my "places-i-need-to-visit-before-i-die" list! and what makes it even better is that i'm going with the boy! :D heeheehee. i have nvr been on a holiday alone with my bf before and this is the first time! BEYONDDDDDDD EXCITED!! Cant wait to stuff my face with all the jap food, go shopping, visit the historical sites, see mount fuji AND TOKYO DISNEYLAND!!! OMGGGGGGGGG!! I CANT FREAKING WAIT!! Exactly 3 weeks from now i'll be on my way to JAPOOOOOO! (:

Anyways, HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR LOVES! (: Didnt do much house visiting this year due to my laziness, thus, not much ang baos collected. ): But it's ok, the holiday break from work was more worth it than anything else. Finally got to catch up with my much needed slp and with the fact that the exhibition have been soooo busy the last one week it was a much needed rest for me. (:

I'm sooooo freaking excited for japan, i can finally put my events management skills into good use! (: Imma plan the whole entire trip, gonna head down to kino to buy a travel book on tokyo tmr! heeheehee. this year is gonna be a gd year! after jap, probably gonna head to bkk and hk before going back aussie for sch. best thing is i'm going to a totally new state this time round! woooohoooo! this year is gonna be like a world tour! heehee. Life is gd and i'm not complaining! (:

Going picnic+kite flying later after work! tmr is cny party at kim's and zouk after! heeheehee. life's been too gd to me lately! i cannot be more grateful! (: but sometimes its scary when life gets too gd! it just means that something bad is going to happen soon. oh well, enjoy while you can right?

Anyways, hope all of you had a good chinese new year! Will update again when i have the time/something to actually update about! hahahaha. till next time! <3

more company d&d photos.

pool party at One degree. (:Happy B'day NATTY CAT! LOVE YOU TRUCK LOADS! (Y) (Y) (Y)natty's EXTREMELY PRETTY B'DAY CAKE!! letter from natty cat. (:

natty cat bought all of us cupcakes from twelve cupcakes and she made the moustache herself to put on the cupcakes. how cutie is that? :D love you natty cat! (Y) Dash Berlin with the usuals! (:

Happy Chinese New Year loves! (:

2012-01-18T09:59:00.008+08:00

hello blogger! (: havent updated in awhile. my mind is kinda blank right now. So i'm just gonna update on what has been going on in my life.

My exhibition is ending in 19 days. Dont really know how i feel, i'm a little sad that its ending and yet i cant wait for it to end. This exhibition has been a very valuable experience, i have learnt so much so much. But of cos there are always downsides to everything. It has taught me what tired really means, the exhibition has sucked every bit of energy out of me. But i am extremely proud of the exhibition, like i've said many times before, first exhibition ever!! It means the world to me. (: So guys if you have yet to catch the exhibition, please do check it out at http://www.amovingmasterpiece.com/

Last week was filled with events, thus me being extremely broke now. There was pool party on friday at one degree then trouse brothers at zouk after. Yes becos we are that hardcore that going for one party in one night just wasnt enough! HAHAHA. Sat was andre's 21st b'day at Mink. First time inside Royal room/Mink, didnt really like it though, zouk will always always be home! (: Went to the Aussie study fair on sunday to enquire whether it is possible for me to transfer to UQ with my GPA, imma head down to IDP tmr to apply for my transfer. Extremely excited that i am able to transfer to UQ, UQ has always been one of my top uni choices for events and maybe i'll try to do an exchange to Uni of Manchester for one sem. Then my life will be complete! (:

This week is gonna be another eventful week Natty cat's b'day dinner tonight followed by zouk after! (: Gonna take a day off tmr to head down to IDP to settle my transfer. Sat's Colin's 21st and sunday is the eve of CNY. OMG! CANT WAIT FOR CNY!! $$$$$ I'm so damn broke and there are SOOOOOOOOOOO many things i wanna get my hands on!! And also, LONG WEEKEND TILL NEXT TUESSSS!! You have no idea how much public holidays and long weekends mean to people who have a full time job! CANT F-ING WAIT!! :D :D :D

Oh, one more thing to note down, i'm attached. (: Yes, after half a year of being single, i've finally found someone. (: The boy has been around ever since i came back to sg for internship. Things has been pretty on and off for the longest time, but things got pretty serious about 1 month back and yup. he asked and i said yes. (: I am very happy with what i have now and i'm glad we finally got together, we really went through alot just to be where we both are right now. And to me having him in my life is like a dream come true. He has always been my eyecandy, for the longest time i can remember. It was back in 2009 where i first saw him studying at starbucks for A lvls and to me he has always been the perfect guy, my dream guy. (: I cannot ask for more in life, to have my dream guy actually becoming my guy, the feeling is sometimes surreal.

I am trying to do my best to make sure that this r/s wont screw up again. i wont want this to screw up becos my life with him is what i have always pictured my life to be. Of cos, it may be too early to say whether as to i would want to marry him one day. But i do see the two of us going a long way. If i really end up marrying him one day, then i will never ask for anything more in life, i will truly be contented with what i have. I know there are many challenges ahead of us, long d being one of it, but i hope we will both be able to work something out. I am not going to expect too much from this r/s, i'm jut going to take things one step at a time. But i will definitely put in my very best. All in all, i am happy that i've finally found someone that i don have to try so hard to impress and that i know i can be myself and that being myself is good enough for him. (Y)

To those that were really concerned for me and were there for me this whole time, i cannot be anymore thankful for you guys! (: Don worry guys, imma happy kid again. (: And i cannot be more grateful for what i have in my life now. <3
Nattycat! (: HEART HEART HEART! (Y)

Sending daddy off to UK.
Happy 21st Andre! (:

Girlfrienddddd~~

hello love! (; Company D&D

Best mentor EVER! (Y)

2012-01-05T11:01:00.001+08:00

HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYBODEEEEEE! :D I know, i'm like 5 days late. havent had the time to blog and i totally did not come up with any new year resolutions. oh well, even if i did make new year resolutions, 99% of them wont happen anyways. I'm blogging away in my exhibition hall while waiting for kim. gonna go send ben off together, he's leaving for UK tonight. Sigh, don even want to think about going back to aussie. Cannot imagine if i was the one that is going to leave tonight. Will probably be crying like a fucking dog again. Sigh~~ hate that feeling. Oh well, 8 more months to go.

So nye stared out quite badly, got into a huge fight with my mum before heading to uss, had every intention to not celebrate nye at all. But the boy and kim insisted that i should still go down to rws and enjoy what was left of nye. Had a sumptuous dinner at rws' bbq fiesta and headed back to USS for countdown. it was nice to spend countdown with the ppl i love. We were suppose to go to zouk after but all of us were too tired and sweaty. So headed home for an early new years night. (:

New year's day was spent at Elton's. was suppose to go boating, but in the end we just spent the day lazying around in the pool. Love days like that, whereby you just chill out with your gd friends and talk bullshit. All in all this year nye and nyd was well spent with the ppl who have been there for me since i've been back from aussie. You guys know who you are, thank you for being there for me at one of the most "down" point of my life. Also, i'm so thankful for the boy for being there for me constantly in the last 4 months. Although things between us have been pretty on and off in the last few months, but i am grateful to have him around. I must be a fool to ever let him go, becos every says he's the best catch ever. Of cos, no expectations for now. We'll just see how things goes in the future, but nonetheless i'm happy with him and i'm so glad to have him in my life.

i'm getting new ideas as to what i want to do with my life in the future. mainly due to my family problems. i'm very torn between the two different paths that is ahead of me. I'm not confused, i know what i want, but life is just being a bitch and hindering me from doing what i want. why cant life just turn out the way you want it to be? why must life be so hard?

Cannot believe i'm turning 21 this year! Like finallyyyy 21! but when you were younger and look towards 21, you would have thought that when u're 21, life would have worked itself out by then. Now that i'm turning 21, i realised that i'm even more torn apart than before. There's so many things you have to think about, so many more things you will have to consider now that you are older. I think all of our mentalities are soooo different now as compared to before. i find myself worrying about things that i nvr thought i will ever have to worry about. Oh well, i guess that is part of growing up. Nevertheless, i'm extremely excited for my 21st this year, in fact i'm very excited for all my friend's 21st this year. cant believe we are all going to officially turn into "adults" this year! So proud of everybody for making through 21 years of their lives! (:

Hope everyone had a great time this holiday season! Wish you guys a good year ahead! Remember, no matter what the weather is, always bring your own sunshine! :D <3

kim THOOOOO! Hahahahaha.

X'mas eve. (:
HONG! (Y)

natty cat so cutie!
my babies. (Y)

the Sim twinnies. (:
USS with the boy for countdown. :D

nye dinner at rws. (:
pole dancing room in Crockfords' suite. LAST WARNING!!
Happy New Year lovesss! (:

2011-12-29T10:20:00.001+08:00

Hi worlddddd~~ Have been wayyyy too busy with my exhibition. Havent had the time to update at all. But since the year is ending in 2 days time thought i should have an update or two before the year ends. Will probably come up with a list of new year resolutions in the next post. Although mine is pretty general every year, all i wish for every year is to be a better person in the following year. (:

So life has been all about work work work work work. Although it's getting better now that the exhibition is "stabilised" but there are still times where there's a mad rush of things to do. I've still got one more conference in april and one more exhibition & conference to work on in July and i'll be done with my internship. Cant believe i've been interning at Singapore Expo for almost 4 months now. Didnt really feel like 4 months at all, i love what i'm doing now and i couldnt be happier. I do believe that i made a right choice in choosing Expo over RWS. I've learn so much in the last 4 months and i've grown so much. I cannot be more grateful for what i have right now.

I am not going to complaining about anything in my life. I'm generally very happy with everything in my life now, except my family issues, but oh well, as long as i'm in sg, my family issues will always be there to spoil my mood once in awhile. Have been single for almost half a year. i cannot deny that i'm getting pretty used to being alone. i like how my life is, i get to hang out with my friends alot more, i get to do whatever whenever. But of cos, occasionally u do feel lonely and i do still miss having C in my life. My feelings for C have been subsiding, i think i've finally found my inner peace. I'm generally happy for him and S, i am happy for myself too. I think we're both at a better place and position now.

I do have something to share though, after being single for almost half a year, i think i might be ready again. Not gonna say much, but yes i am seeing someone now. It's been pretty on, off in the last few months, however things are getting quite serious. But of cos, like i've said before, if i was to be in a r/s again i'll make sure i'll do it right this time round and he's a good guy, i really want to set things right with him. There are still alot of things to consider before things get more serious, but as of now, i am happy seeing him and having him in my life. (:

I know this all sound very contradicting, like one min i am happy being single and the next min i am happy seeing someone. Well, we are just dating now. So there's no commitments and no expectations. I'm still pretty much single, i like the kind of freedom i have now, yet i like being with him too. Like i said, there's still alot of things to consider before jumping into something. So yup. As of now, this is all i'm going to review. Even if we do get together in the future, i'm going to keep it low, i want things between us to be simple and to be just about him and i.

Oh yea, Merry belated X'mas!! ((: Hahahahaha. Had a pretty quite x'mas this year, although it didnt very much feel like x'mas at all. X'mas eve was last min x'mas shopping, dinner with my bro, just like every other year. After that headed down to zouk to celebrate with mua usuals. X'mas day itself was spent at Elton's, had a cozy x'mas dinner with just a few of us, since everyone else was busy with their own x'mas celebration. Boxing day was spent at Sentosa again with natty and kimmy, was suppose to swim and gym at elton's new place, ended up the 3 of us were just chilling in the pool talking about life. So this x'mas have been pretty laid back and i like it this way. (:

Alright, there's pretty much with regards to my life right now. I'll definitely have another update before this sat! Super exited for nye! Gonna head to USS for their boogie countdown with a few of my friends. Hopefully we'll be able to party the night away with the usuals at zouk after! What is a new year night without ending it at zouk? :D till next time! <3

my part time girlfrienddddd! ((:

love you natty cat!

HAPPY B'DAY ROCHELLE! (:

A Moving Masterpiece Opening Ceremony! (:

projects management girls! (Y)

my lovely mentor! :D
ZOUK OUTTTTTT!! ((:

2011-11-22T17:11:00.001+08:00

FUCK MY LIFE!! MY BB CRASHED THIS AFTERNOON. )': )': )': I feel so lost without my bb! hopefully i'll get it back tmr. if not i'm gonna kill myself. worst of all, i didnt back up my bb at all. i'm gonna lose all my contacts! including my aussie friends' contact. fml! so tempted to switch over to my iphone instead! praying that there's a spare phone at home. if not GG!

So i'm blogging away at sogurt. came here to visit nat. (: thank god it crashed today instead of tmr. cossss LYANNE CHUA IS COMING BACK TMRRRRRR!! WOOOHOOOOO~~ heehee. finally! havent met her since my b'day in melb! cant wait for her to be back tmr! sucks that i'll be dead busy from this weekend all the way through to next year feb. wont be able to spend much time with her. but i promised that i will squeeze every bit of time for her. (: really cant wait!

So my fs have been pretty happening the last few days. filled with questions regarding C. i wont deny that some of the question did affect me a little and got me thinking about us again. but i'm still trying to keep my inner peace and not let it affect me too much. And to the ppl who have been asking me how i feel about the fact that C is back with his ex, i'm going to answer this question once and for all. I wont deny that when i first found out i felt cheated, upset and angry, i was feeling so many emotions that i actually felt numb after awhile. but it's been more then 4 months since we broke up. i wont say that i'm totally over him, but i'm feeling much better now. In all fairness and putting my feelings aside, i feel happy for him and happy for them. becos they do belong together, after all these time they've always had a part of each other kept in their heart. they seem really happy together and he seems really happy, thus i am happy for them. no point getting angry and beating myself up for it. i am happy that both C and i are at a much better place now. when we were together, we really did have a lot of problems in our r/s and i constantly felt that he wasnt truly happy, so now the fact that he is, puts me at ease. so if any of C and S's friends are reading this, pls let them know that i am happy for them and i wish them all the happiness in the world. (:

i'm saying all of the things above from the bottom of my heart. like i have mentioned i think both C and i are at a much better place now. i am happy with my life and he seems happy too. i guess that's what's most important in life; being happy. i might not feel as bliss as before when i was still with him, but i feel like after a really long time i am in control of my own happiness, my happiness is no longer in someone else's hands, i think this is something to be grateful about.

Two days ago, D said to me, "been stupid once, cant afford to be stupid again, put ur guards up and guard your heart." i very much agree to that. recently i find myself having a problem of letting ppl into my life. i try to distant myself and not let myself get too attached to anybody and not allowing anyone to affect my life too much. i donno whether this is a gd thing or a bad thing. i don want what happened in my previous r/s to make me "heartless", not wanting to care for anybody and love anyone else. maybe it's not the time yet, maybe the wound is still too fresh. afterall, one and a half years has got to count for something right?

Although i'm no longer crying over C and i'm not extremely affected by news regarding him. but i can feel that the pain is still there and sometimes when i think about us it still hurts. don get me wrong i am more then ready to move on, just that sometimes i cant help myself to feel a certain way when i am reminded of him. i was reading the questions i've answered previously on my fs, someone told me time heals all wounds and it's true, it really does and i believe in time to come, he'll just be another heart break to me.

cant wait to get my tattoo next week! i swear tattoos are soooooo addictive. after this tattoo i'm just gonna get my "always bring your own sunshine" and i'm gonna put a stop to my tattoo obsession. life has been treating me pretty well recently, BESIDES the fact that my phone crashed today. really cant wait for BFF to be back tmr! i hope that despite the fact that i'm going to be dead busy for the next 3 months, we will finally be able to spend some quality BFF time together, cos for the first time, we're both single at the same time. (: cant wait! till next time. <3

Jolene's b'day bbq. (:

PPGs

HONGGGGGGGG!!! (Y)
barclays with mummy.
natty so prettehhhhhh!!

captain LOH!

no make up. i look like death. ):

LOVEEEEEEEEE this photo! (:

helipad with the lovessss. (:

2011-11-09T00:30:00.008+08:00

Project "clean up my goddam room" has finally been completed!! my room is beyonddddddd messy. its messy up to the point that i couldnt even find my bb charger. Hence, me finally decided to clean up my room! Took me two freaking hours! i don think i have ever ever taken that long to clean up my room. call me gross, but i have yet to cleaned my room since i came back from aussie! HAHAHAHAHA! This is the beforeeeee~~
you need to see it in details, there's still the other side of the room. it was beyondddd messy. i couldnt find anythinggggg!! And here is the after~~
it's like a complete make over! HAHAHAHHAHAHAAH!! Super super proud of myself!! i'm intending to keep it this clean for as long as possible! though i highly doubt it'll last for more than a week. i'm a very messy person. i like to live in a mess. it gives me a little sense of comfort. yes, i'm just weird like that! HAHAHAHAHA!!

So here's a real treat, i FINALLY BOUGHT A NEW CAMERA!! After 6 years! YES 6 YEARS!! Believe this or not. before this, i was using my sony t20(YES T20!) FOR THE LAST 6 YEARS!! Hahaha. super happy with my new camera! love the quality of the photos! (: still trying to figure out how to use some of the functions. but nonetheless, i LOVEEEEE MY NEW CAMERA! So now that i finally have a proper camera i guess i'll be blogging alot more. (: whoop!

last weekend was Elton's 21st!! had alot of fun!! although by the end of the night i was dead exhausted!! the day started at 3, where 4 cars had to go down to bras basah just to collect the balloons and cake. one degree after to help nat to decorate the place, after party at velvet. i really miss the old velvet, don really like it's new layout. it just doesnt feel like velvet anymore. so the party was a blast! was pretty embarrassed when kim, evan and i's video was played during the party, but hey we really did put in alot of effort to make the video. (: Hope you had a memorable 21st Elton! (: Once again, HAPPY B'DAY CAPTAIN LOH! (:

Cant wait for my 21st next year! i'm glad that i will be in sg and will be able to spend it with my family and friends. (: i already have a rough idea of how i want it to be. that's the gd thing about being an event planner. we always plan an event a year ahead! (; haahahha!! looking very forward to this weekend! friday's BBQ at marc tay's house, one alti after followed by zouk. sat is my fav golf event of the year! BARCLAY'S OPEN! (: followed by boating at elton's place then velvet after. i love it when my weekends are all packed up, gives me something to look forward to and get myself through a whole week of hell in the office! might be taking monday off to go haji shopping with kim! i really miss going out during the day on a weekday. havent done that ever since my internship started! and i do think that i deserve a break before my exhibition starts.

cant believe my exhibition is starting in less than a month's time! have been OT-ing alot recently. i'm rather excited for my exhibition. cos it's gonna be the first exhibition i have ever planned!! like the first proper event i have ever planned! i hope the turn out of the event is good. this exhibition really means alot to me. to me its like a milestone of my life! i know, ppl think that it's a no biggie. but u donno how much this means to an event planner. the first event ever! seriously means the world to me! really hope you guys will support me and come visit my exhibition! (: friends, don try to escape, this is the one time to show me how much u guys love me! heehee. :D

I've been really proud of myself lately. have been making alot of right decisions in my life. i donno whether its the fact that i'm working, thus i'm becoming more matured and more responsible or the fact that the break up has completely changed my mind set. but i find myself becoming wiser by the day. (: whichever it is, i'm glad it happened and i don regret either of it happening. becos i think in the last 2 months since i've been back in sg, i've really changed alotttt. i nvr thought i will be this responsible when it comes to work and i nvr thought that i will see certain things so differently now as compared to 2 months back. (: i'm really happy for myself and i am happy to be at where i am now. Although, like i've said before, there's still alot of rooms for improvement. (:

there are still days that i really feel like shit and i feel so lost, but i think i have finally found my inner peace. i hope i will be able to feel this way all the way till it's time to go back aussie. i'm generally happy with my life now and i really cant ask for more. (: i'm happy to see myself so cheerful again! (: anyways, it's late and it's time to head to lala land. another busy week in the office! hopefully i'll be able to spam alot of photos this weekend then maybe my blog can come alive again! hahahaha. nights loves! <3

part time gf! HAHAHAHAHA!!

LOVE these girls! (:
HAPPY B'DAY CAPTAIN LOH!!! (((:
pretty natty. (:

cutie pieee~~
elton's b'day cake! like a BOSS!

my fav couple in the whole wide world!! ((:

baby bro! (: i love how we look most alike when we smile! :D
long lost sec sch senior!
some of my FAVVVVV PEOPLE!! ((:

awwww.
the YANs. (:

Once again, HAPPY 21ST B'DAY ELTON!! (:

2011-11-01T02:37:00.005+08:00

It's 3.15am and i really should be aslp! but clever me took a nap from 830pm-1am and i'm wide awake now! i'm soooo gonne die at work later on!! hahahah! GG MAX! so here i am typing away on my computer at this ungoldly hour. today was the first time i came home right after internship ever since my internship started! have nvr been more proud of myself! HAHAHA!! my aim this week is to come home immediately after work as often as possible so that i'll be able to avoid dinner and lose some weight before elton's b'day party this sat! i don want to look like a fat mermaid! hahahahahha! i love this halloween! i get to dress up a total of 3 times! heehee. have i ever mentioned? halloween is my fav festival of the year! it's the one time of the year u can look like an absolute idiot and no one will judge u for it! heehee.

So for halloween this year i went as wonder woman and snow white. sat night was halloween party at white rabbit then zouk after and sun was snow white at island! hahaha. i felt stupid dressed as snow white and serving costumers. i donno how the hell some customers actually thought i was an angel, alice from wonderland and cinderella. LIKE SERIOUSLYYYY?!? But uncle stan's the best, he said i'm a school teacher. HAHAHAHA!! i'm pretty happy with halloween this year, since i didnt get to celebrate it last year and this will probably be the last time i'm going to celebrate halloween in sg for awhile.

besides halloween, the other highlight of the week was ABOVE & BEYOND AT ZOUK!!! OMGGGGGG!! I WAS SOOOOOO GOOD! Hahaha. probably becos i was a little high, but just high enough to dance through the night, unlike our beloved kim tho who died and only happen to wake up for sun & moon and went back to lala land again! HAHAHAHAHA!! I think most of us were high/drunk before a&b even started spinning! but the music WAS SICK!! now i'm just anticipating for zouk out although the line up this year isnt as gd as last year's.

besides a&b and halloween, my life has been pretty much the same. the health conference last week totally killed me. 630am-7pm two days in a row was not fun at all. esp when u have to stand in heels for hours and hours!! i was home by 130 on friday night and fell aslp straight away. i cannot even remember when was the last time i came home that early on a friday night. my internship is really killing me. it's sucking all the energy outta me. plus, it's only gonna get worst! end of this month it's the annual sitex computer show at expo and the following week marks the start of my 2 months long a moving masterpiece exhibition all the way through to next year feb. sighhhh. sometimes i really ask myself why the hell am i doing events. but like i've said many times before, no matter how tired i am and how much i curse and swear, at the end of the day i still love what i do.

so today marks my 2nd month back in sg. cannot CANNOT believe i've only been back in sg for two months. i feel as if i've been back FOREVERRRRR~~ However this will also mean that i'm only left with 10 more months in sg. ): sigh, this sucks i'm getting comfortable in sg again. it's gonna suck when it's time to go back to aussie, i'm gonna cry like a dog again at the airport. )': but after next year when i'm back in aussie i'm determined to stay there all the way through my degree and maybe come back once a year? cos going there and coming back again and again is too emotionally torturing for me. i don wanna feel that way. ):

lately i've been feeling rather upset. i donno whether its becos i'm lonely. however i must say, i'm starting to get used to being single. i think in my last blog spot, i sounded soooo desperate. but honestly it sucks not having someone to be always there for u and knowing at the back of ur head someone is constantly caring about you and loving you. but like i said i don want to rush into anything and i don want to get into another meaningless r/s for all the wrong reasons. to be honest, i have nvr been more proud of myself. i really see myself growing up, becoming more and more sensible when it comes to certain issues. but nonetheless there's still alot of other issues i have to work on.

recently i starting to care less and less. i don really know how to describe it. but i'm starting to become more and more "i don give a shit" and it's not only on things that i just generally do not care about, but this time round it's ppl. i think i'm starting to build that protective wall around myself, i'm becoming less and less emotionally attached to ppl. which on my part i don think is something to celebrate about. kim was like "you don care about _ and you dont care about _ as well then who the hell do you actually care about?" don get me wrong i still do care alot about my close friends, they mean the world to me and if it wasnt for them i will nvr be able to make it through and i'll nvr be able to be where i am right now after my break up. but i'm talking about feelings wise. in the past i will get rather upset over certain ppl i care specially about, but recently i find myself having the "if you give a shit about me, i wont give a shit about you either" mentality. maybe becos i've been pushed away too many times, i'm starting to feel like no one in this world is worth it, no one in this world is worth me giving my everything to. i mean some will see this as a gd thing, protecting yourself from getting hurt. but as for me i think it just mean that i'm becoming more and more heartless, which i don want to be. i don want to be heartless, i don want to be that cold creature, that is not the person gabby is. i'm suppose to be all full of love and be surrounded with "love bubbles". sigh. what is happening to me? ):

i think as of now i'm just really lost. i'm a little lost sheep going around trying to find my way. i really hope this bimbo sheep will be able to find her way soon. if not, i really donno what the next few months is going to hold for me. i think i might just be confused right now since i have nvr been single for this long before, like i'm confused as to what to feel and what to do. this break up has really changed me quite a bit, in good ways and in bad. i just need to find my inner peace soon.

anyways it's almost 4 and it's time to head to bed! only left with 3 hours of slp! tmr confirm gonna die at work! 2 meetings and a million and one phone calls to make. ): however i'm pretty excited for the sitex road show on weds at raffles place! should be alot of fun! (: cant wait for the weekends! it's gonna be a LONGGGGG~~ weekend ahead! also excited for elton's 21st this sat and velvet's official opening! cant wait for weds as well, gonna mambo my night away, although i'm definitely gonna regret it the next day at work. but i really need a mid week break. hahaha. and yes, my break means partying. till next time. <3
ABOVE & BEYONDDDDDD~~

daddy as angry bird! HAHAHAHAAH!!

white wabbit!

love(:

halloween at island! (:

2011-10-24T10:45:00.002+08:00

It's been 4 months. I have never been more proud of myself. I think i might just hit the 6 months mark and i might even just be like that till it's time to go back to aussie. I guess i'm really growing up. Not rushing into anything; determined to not make the same mistakes again. I see myself becoming stronger by the day. I see myself being less needy. Yes i learnt it the hard way, what happened with J really taught me a lesson. I am never going to let someone in that easily again. I am stronger than i've expected myself to be. I don't need anyone; I am independent. <3

2011-10-10T23:24:00.006+08:00

Cannot believe i've been back in sg for only 1 month++ i feel like i've been back for atleast 6 months already. so many things happened in the last 1 month++ which makes me really scared of what to expect in the next one year. i hate this uncertainty, i hate not having something stable. i hate the fact that i have no one to rely on. although i've only been single for 3 months, but i think this is the longest i've been single since sec 1? pretty proud of myself that i even made it through 3 months without a bf. but i donno how much longer i can stay this way. lately i've been dying for something stable in my life. yet at the same time i don want to make anymore wrong decisions relationship wise.

Internship is draining the shit out of me. The events industry is really no joke. I knew it wasnt going to be an easy job, but i nvr knew it was going to be THIS demanding and this stressful. Although what i'm doing now is exactly what i want to do in the future. But it's making me think twice about my career in the future. i donno how long i will be able to work in this industry. don get me wrong, i still love events, just that i donno whether i'll be able to have this career as a long term career. To be in the events industry u really need to be 200% committed to ur job. You need to absolutely love what u're doing, the moment u start dreading it, u'll just wanna KILL YOURSELF!! But nonetheless, i'm still glad that i chose to do events becos end of the day, even today after my 7 hrs meeting, YES 7 HOURS! From 1030am to 530pm, i went back to my office and i continued doing my work without whining, finding myself still looking forward to tmr. everyday u're constantly working on something different, which is exactly why i chose this industry in the first place, so that day after day i wont be doing the exact some shit. maybe it's becos we're still under the planning stage that's why everything seems more dry now, maybe things will get better when all the operations are starting to take place.

Oh yea. my first exhibition will start on the 7th of dec all the way through to the 6th of feb. It's called "A Moving Masterpiece", pls do go read up on it at http://www.amovingmasterpiece.com/ and do show some support by purchasing the tickets. i know it's not something that ppl my age will be interested in buttttt i WOULD REALLY APPRECIATE IT if you guys could show some support, which will make my life alot easier if the ticket sales are good. Hahaha. In between i'll be helping out with events. My schedule is packed to the brim all the way through to next year feb. Cos of the moving masterpiece exhibition i can forget about x'mas, new years, new years eve and even CNY eve holidays. i guess this is what is expected out of u when u're in the events industry. not forgetting there's still quite a few exhibition and conferences lined up after feb. HAHAHA. MY LIFE IS GOING TO SUCK! but of cos i'm gabby, i'll always find time for partying. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!

So i'm back at zouk after what seems like forever, have been keeping up with my regular zouk visits. HAHAHAHAHAHA!! But so far so gd, there's only been one week where i hit my 5 times a week quota, thanks to my crazy baby bro! if u guys think i'm hxc, u guys have definitely not met my baby bro MARCUS YAN!! last warning and hats off to him. he beats me hands down when it comes to partying. HAHAHAHAHA!!

So as i was saying earlier, i'm getting very tired of this single lifestyle. i really donno how ppl do it. i donno how can ppl stand being alone for yearsssss. like i said i'm pretty proud of myself that i've been keeping this up for 3 months. one of the reasons that's stopping me from wanting to be in a r/s is that eventually i'll be leaving sg. i don want to have to do that whole long d crap again. But yet at the same time, i miss being in a r/s, i miss the stability, i miss always having someone to be there for you, i miss doing special things with that person, i miss having someone to watch movies with, i even miss holding someone's hand. i was nvr someone who think that i'll be happier being single. Yes maybe there are plus points about being single, you have so much more time for ur friends, u can do whatever the hell u want, go wherever the hell u want, go out with whoever the hell you want. but i would give all these up for a r/s in a heartbeat. becos i absolutely absolutely hate the idea of not having someone there for me.

Initially i really thought it wasnt going to be so bad and initially it really wasnt that bad. but the longer i'm single the more i'm dying for something stable. yet i don wanna make anymore mistakes when it comes to r/s cos i'm so sick and tired of having to go through the same crap, feeling crappy after a break up, over and over again. i'm scared to open up to someone, i don want to be in that vulnerable state to let a person have absolute control over my emotions and i don want to to base my happiness solely on that one person. cos i've done that and in the end when the person left, u're left with nothing, absolutely nothing, except a whole load of crap to deal with. i'm not being desperate, just miss the stability. ):

Lately i'm starting to forget the what happiness is suppose to feel like. i think happiness is just as hard to define as love. that's why i guess love and happiness go hand in hand. can one only feel happy when they're in love? don get me wrong, my friends make me really happy, i'll absolutely die without them. but it's not the kind of happiness love gives you, you know what i'm saying? it's two totally different type of happiness. i remember how C used to make me feel really happy and that happiness came right from the bottom of my heart, it was a feeling i couldnt describe, it was just pure bliss and happiness. But nowadays i just see myself laughing here and there, being happy hanging around with my friends, constantly smiling, having nothing to worry about, but after awhile that happiness dies down. Can one only find happiness in love? i beg to defer. but somehow i find it true. Maybe that's why ppl say everyone needs some love once in awhile. And i guess to a certain extend, it's true when they say everyone just wants love & happiness. personally, i do believe that.

oh well, guess i'll just have to suck it up like how i always do and just pull through. i think i've been through so many things in life to know how to deal with all these crappy situations. when u're in this kinda situation, when things nvr seems to get better and u feel like u're going down this nvr ending black hole, all u can do is suck it up, suck it ALLLLLL up and pull through, i believe that things will eventually get better. like they say when things gets worst, it can only get better from then on. i truly believe that i'll come out of all these a stronger person and hopefully a wiser person as well. time for bed. 830-6, mondays to fridays. till next time. toodles! <3

my baby bro marcus yan! (:

cutie pie's b'day! ((:

famfam with the square mouth! (:

natty natty! ((:

babygirl

love my island family! ((:

long lost primary school friend. (:

love this pic! HAPPY B'DAY ZACH!! ((:

2011-08-30T22:00:00.007+08:00

last 8 hours in sydney. ): staying at my uncle's house tonight before going to the airport tmr morning. sighhhh. i really really don wanna leave sydney. i nvr thought i would actually say this. but i'm actually starting to accept my life in sydney and in the past few months i've grown to love sydney. cant believe i'm leaving this place for a gd one year. seriously cant wait to come back here. ):

although i'm starting to feel a little bit more excited to be going home. i really do miss my life in sg(MY NO PUBLIC TRANSPORT LIFESTYLE!), my friends, my family and the FOOD!! but i cant help to feel upset that i'm actually leaving this place. for all that's worth, it's been my home for the past 6 months and this place has grown on me. also i like the person that i am when i'm here in sydney. somehow i find myself and my mentality very different when i'm in sydney and when i'm in sg. before i came overseas ly always used to tell me life in aussie is so much more simpler than sg and so much more less complicated. now i finally know what she meant by that.

no doubt that a big part of me regret coming overseas cos of what happened with my r/s. but when i think about it, it must have been one of the better decisions i've made in life. i think coming overseas really made me grew up a lot and i've became alot more independent. i've done things that i would have nvr thought i'll be able to do by myself. cos when u need to get something done, you have no choice but to relay on urself, mummy and daddy are no longer around to settle things for you. also when you're overseas, friends are like family, they are the ones you depend on. coming overseas made me realise alot of things, things that i will nvr be able to accept if i was in sg.

i think the person i am in sydney is so much more simpler than the person i am when i'm in sg. i'm not materialistic when i'm here, i don care about branded goods, i don care about what brands i wear, i don always have to impress ppl. ppl here are so chill and so not judgemental, everyone here is so free-spirit and somehow along the way, you slowly adapt to it and it makes you a much simpler person. i hope i am able to stay this way when i return to sg. i like leaving this simple lifestyle. you feel so care free most of the time.

i donno what to expect from tmr onwards. all i wish for is to have a peaceful year ahead. spend as much time as possible with my friends and family, cos once i'm back in sydney, i donno when i will be returning to sg again. do a good job with my internship and maintain this simple mindset. also i don intend on dating anyone in the next one year, firstly becos i'm not over everything, my heart still aches for that person, i just cannot imagine myself even being interested in anyone else right now and the thought of getting heart broken again just turns me off completely. Secondly, becos i have nvr been THIS single for THIS long in my entire life. i can hardly believe that i'm SINGLE SINGLE for the first time in my life, with no guys around at all. i'm so proud of myself! and the truth is that it's really not as bad as i've imagined. i always thought i'm the needy kind and no matter what i'll need a guy in my life, but now i've come to realise that it's not true and i'm doing just fine by myself. thirdly, becos i'm gonna come back sydney in a year's time, long d is going to be a big no no for me. and lastly, maybe my heart is still waiting for that certain someone.

ok it's 1.15am in sydney now, i have to go to bed! only left with 4 hours of slp. needa get up by 5am to head to the airport and i know i'm gonna spend the whole 8 hrs on the plane watching all the in-flight movies. gonna meet evan tmr evening for nails and dinner. maybe mambo with kim and nat after. which means i'm not gonna get any slp at all. and i've got to be at rws by 2pm the next day. so i desperately need this 4 hours of slp in order to not look like a walking zombie at rws on thurs. SHOPPING this weekend with mummy. heeheehee. sigh i'm becoming more materialistic already. oh well. good night sydney! i'm gonna miss you hell loads when i'm in sg! and hello sg! it's nice to see you again, please let me have a good year ahead. till next time. <3

my cute baby. (:
mathias spamming my camera!
love you ALIXANE SAGE! xoxoxoxoxoxo

friday nights entertainment. (:

devy.
allie made this my iphone dp so that i wont forget her and manarii in the next one year.
coffee+ciggs by the road side. fav past time in sydney. (:
Last day in Manly and allie decided to cook me traditional french quiche and insisted that i cook for my parents when i'm back. so i'm gonna post all the steps here in order to remember how to make it! HAHAHAHA!!

TAH-DAH! YUMMY MAXXXXXX!! (:

see that castle in the middle? yup that's my school! hahahaha!
last night in the city with allie.

my last AWESOME BEYOND WORDS CAN DESCRIBE BUBBLE TEA for the next one year. ):
see you in one year sydney.

2011-08-22T14:39:00.018+08:00

Ok. so i'm done with 3 of my exams, one more paper left coming monday and i'll be done! (: seriously cant wait! had the worst exam today. events law and marketing on the same day! it nearly killed me, i'll be happy with just a pass for both subjects although it's gonna be really wasted if i get a pass overall cos i got HD & D for my assignments for both subjects. oh well. i'm just glad that the two hardest papers are over.

i realised i havent blogged about my b'day, so here i am with absolutely nothing to do and i'm already in the after exam mood, gonna blog about my b'day. hahaha. For my b'day this year i went down to melb to celebrate my b'day with no other than lyanne chua my BFFFFFFFFFFF!! After all that has happened in the last month or so, i just really needed some time with my bff, also i havent seen ly since may, even though she was back in sg for two weeks but i didnt get to spend much time with her, so this b'day trip was much needed. (:

Went melb from the 3rd of aug to the 8th. although it was only 5 days but it was worth every bit of it. had so much fun with ly as always. ly somehow always have this power to make me feel much better and she is probably one of the only person in my life that i can trust with all my secrets. it's funny, along the years of growing up ly and i crossed shoulders at many points but somehow nvr got to know each other. after we got to know each other we become so close becos we were somehow always caught in the same situation, we always understand perfectly how the other person felt. i have nvr been more grateful to have met her and have her as my bff. despite the distance she has always been there for me at a heart beat and for that, i love you lyanne chua!(:

although we're both in aussie but i hate the fact that we're so near yet so far, whenever i go down to melb to visit her, i hate myself for not wanting to study in melb instead. cos can u imagine how good life is studying overseas with you bff in the same country and same state with no parents around!?! hahaha. we'll be having the time of our lives, but oh well i guess this is life. ly and i somehow got very used to doing this whole long distance friendship thingy. the first few time when ly left for melb i cried and cried and cried cos i felt a part of me left along with her. but this time the two of us were like, oh well, yet again, see you in a few months. oh well. better to be in aussie than to be in sg right? atleast phone calls are free. hahaha.

this trip to melb was a EAT TILL YOU GET FREAKING FAT TRIP!! Hahaha. ly brought me to a few new places and the food was SOOOOO AWESOME!! didnt do much shopping though, just wanted to sit down, chill and talk with my bestfriend. and LYANNE CHUA IS THE SWEETEST PERSON EVER!! Initially for my b'day i was suppose to have dinner with a few other friends in melb but after that i decided that i just wanted to spend my b'day with my bff and only my bff. this was probably the first time in years that i'm not celebrating my b'day by having a b'day party or a mini celebration. for as long as i can remember, i had a b'day party almost every year since i was 13, cos i see my b'day as a very important day. hahaha. guess i was just childish.

Ok so back to the point. The night before my b'day went to bass lounge with lyanne, louie and his friends. louie is a friend lyanne met during her china field trip, he was super nice to open a table that night and he drove ly and i around quite a bit, pretty nice guy. the next day, which was my actual b'day, i got up to get ready to head out and while i was showering LYANNE CHUA COOKED A SURPRISE B'DAY LUNCH FOR ME!! I was soooooo touched when i came out of the shower and saw two plates of fried rice cooked by ly! i swear i wanted to cry!! (': after that we went to catch captain america before going for dinner. ly treated me dinner at cumulus, a pretty high rated restaurant in melb and after that we went supper club to have the BEST CREME BRULEE OF MY LIFE!! OMG IT WAS LIKE HEAVEN ON EARTH! I SWEAR!!

so that was pretty much for my b'day this year, although it was pretty simple, but it was one of the most meaningful b'day i have ever had in my life, it was just my bestfriend and i, i wouldnt want it any other way. (: so thanks ly for the wonderful b'day! cant wait for you to go back sg and we can have our regular massive bff slpover! and this time round we're both single, we can spend absolutely everyday together just like how we used to in the past! (: and also our long awaited bff overseas trip!! i can hardly wait baby! ((:

Going back sg in exactly a week. i cannot believe i'm saying this but i actually don wanna go back! ): this time round i'm not even excited about going back! i actually like my life here. maybe it's becos of whatever that has happened. staying in sydney doesnt seem like such a bad idea now. i've been dreading to go back since last week, even ytd when i was talking to mummy on the phone, i actually asked her if i could just stay here for another semester and not go back for my internship, but of cos that would be a stupid idea to give up my internship. also i cannot deny that i miss my friends in sg, SO MUCH! ): and I MISS MY CAR!! OMG I CANT WAIT TO GO BACK TO MY CAR!!! i'm so done with not having a car!! i am determined to psycho my dad to buy me a car and let me move in with allie when i'm back in sydney! i might not do a one year internship now since the whole purpose of going back to do my internship is no longer there, i just want to faster finish up my 1200 hours and come back sydney!

I'm really scared what singapore will be like for me in the next few months, but i will not give up such an opportunity to intern just becos i'm scared of what the future holds for me. i need to face it head on like a grown up. no matter how hard life is going to be for me in singapore i'm determined to go through with it. i cannot believe i'm saying this but coming back to sydney will be my main motivation to get myself through the next 9 months of internship. but of cos knowing me by then i'll be dreading to come back sydney becos i'll probably get so used to my life in sg again. sigh this really sucks. i told myself, after my internship in sg, i'm gonna come back sydney to finish up my degree and probably only go back home once a year. it's really too mentally torturing for me to go back and fro. i hate it!

So i guess the next time when i blog i'll probably be back in sg. although i'm really going to miss sydney like crazy but there are still alot of things i'm looking forward to in sg! honestly, there is no place like home! and as i have always predicted i'm not the home sick kinda person, i'm just the bf sick kinda person, now that i've lost everything, i actually don miss home that badly anymore. or maybe becos i was in sg just a month ago. these days i keep psycho-ing myself to believe things that are not even real to make myself feel better and i'm actually getting pretty good at it and i somehow manage to get it into my head. hahaha.

i actually don even miss sg food anymore. hahaha. i'm actually going to miss my awesome CHATIME BUBBLE TEA, ribs at hurricanes, sushi from sushi chain, ramen from menya, milk chocolate with waffle balls from max brenner, thai food from chat thai, australian poach eggs. i'm going to miss my life here, i'm going to miss the beaches, i'm going to miss hanging out with allie, i'm going to miss going for lectures, i'm going to miss wasting time at the smoking area, i'm going to miss taking the ferry, i'm going to miss the opera house, i think i might actually miss the cold weather in sydney! ): oh well! i guess these will be the things i can look forward to when i'm in sg! so long sydney, i'm really going to miss you like crazy! ):

Cant wait to see you babies in sg! (:
Lyanne chua! the bestest bestest bestfriend you could ever ask for! (: (: (: hearts*
miss lyanne's room. ): u can see me on the wall with all her diana F pictures. heehee
Got to meet jac while i was in melb. (:
BEST FRIENDS FOREVER AND EVER AND EVER!
supper on the first night. Thanks for picking me up guys! (:
lunch at melb uni with ly.

Bubble tea.
MY ABSOLUTE FAV FOOD IN MELB!! OX TONGUE!! OMG I WANT SOME NOW!!!

degrave! ((:
Louie treated ly and i dinner at this jap place.

OX TONGUE AGAIN!! YUMMY YUM YUM!!

EPIC MUCH!! HAHAHAHA!!

my baby is all grown up and has learnt to whip up yummy dishes! SO PROUD OF HER! (:
aglio olio cooked by lyanne and i. ok fine. mostly lyanne. hahahah

Louie's friends.

i miss summer baby. ):
Surprise b'day lunch by ly! SHOOOO SWEET! (: (: (:
loving my jet black hair!
BFF treated me to Cumulus for my b'day dinner. (: and it was the first time ly and i didnt understand most of the dishes on the menu! i swear it wasnt even in english we had to ask the waitress to go through the whole menu with us! HAHAHAHA!!

Supper club for dessert on my b'day.
love the ambiance of the whole place!

BEST CREME BRULEE EVER!!

BEST POACHED EGGS I'VE EVER HAD IN MY LIFEEEEE!!!

south melb. super chill! loves it!

love my crazy french girl! (:

i'm going to miss you like crazy you silly girl! ):

HAHAHAHAHAHAH!!! SPOT IT!

2011-08-14T16:09:00.003+08:00

Ok. So this is me coming clean about everything that has happened in my r/s with him. Before i start this post. This is not me trying to prove anything but me doing justice to him because end of the day i know that he is and always will be one of the nicest person that i will ever meet in my life despite everything that has happened between us.

People ask what happened between him and i, only people whom are close to me know the truth, becos the truth is not something that i'm very proud of and i have not told anyone that is not close enough to me and of cos when u have done something wrong, everyone being human will try to cover it up. But here i am, i'm going to admit my mistake, becos honesty starts from here. i just turned 20 a week ago and it is time for me to be a grown up and stop trying to cover up my mistakes and start working them out instead.

So our r/s ended becos i cheated on him. Yes, you heard me right i cheated. it was a very stupid mistake on my part and i think no one would have ever expected me to cheat on him, i didnt expect it myself. but it happened and i'm no longer going to deny it and i'm not going to try to cover it up any longer. I think sometimes ppl always try to cover up the truth becos they are afraid of what others will think of them and how others will judge them. I have always told my friends that what others think of you really doesnt matter, as long as ur true friends know who you are and despite everything they will still stand by you; then thats whats important in life. i think sometimes i only know how to give advice to other ppl but i donno how to use my own advice. I'm finally coming clean becos the only person that really matters in my life already thinks that worst of me so what are other ppl's opinion ever gonna matter to me? i asked myself, does it even matter what others think of you anymore?

Yes, so i hope no one will ever feel sorry for me, becos i don deserve it, i single handedly destroyed everything that was important to me, i destroyed my own happiness. so i deserve everything, every misery that i'm going through right now. i've been so willing to wait for him and i was so determined to keep my promises to him becos i know i did something wrong and i hurt him like no other, if it's gonna take me a life time to make things up to him, i will. I deserve everything everything that i'm going through right now. and i want to feel all the pain that is left to feel becos i deserve it, i fucking deserve this.

For the past few weeks i've been asking god why is he putting me through this, why is he torturing me like that? today i've finally found the answer, it wasnt becos he thinks that i'm strong enough to pull through all these, it wasnt becos he thought this will be the best for me. He's only putting me through this becos i deserve it, i deserve every bit of it. Becos i deserved to be punished like that. i need to stop blaming others for a mistake i've made. i need to start growing up and see that mistakes comes with consequences and if this is the consequence i have to face then so be it cos i've made a mistake. when you make a mistake there's no easy way out, you just have to face the consequences and get through it. dear god, thank you for teaching me this lesson and i cannot be more grateful for that.

Believe me, i don think i have ever regretted anything this much in my life. I wish i didnt destroy this r/s becos now that it has ended i realised that this was and still is the only thing that ever mattered to me and this was the only thing that was real in my life. maybe it was the way i grew up, i wont deny that sometimes i'm not honest with people, except a few of my really close friends, becos somehow along the years of growing up i started to build a wall around me. i didnt tell me ppl the exact truth becos i didnt want ppl to judge me and i didnt want ppl to feel sorry for me. Maybe it's becos of my parents i hate it when ppl feel sorry for me, i don want ppl to think that i'm weak and that i can be pushed around, i've always tried to put up this strong front, always act like i'm impenetrable and that nothing in this world ever matters to me. but you know what? that's not the real me, becos the real me is so fragile and so penetrable.

I finally realised something, i always tell ppl i'm so different whenever i'm around him as compared to whenever i'm with my friends, now then i've come to realised, it was only becos only when i'm with him i can truly be myself, only when i'm with him than can i be the person that i am becos along the way he has torn down the wall i built to protect myself. and only when i'm with him am i only real.

Despite everything i will never ever change my perception of him. he will always be one of the nicest person i have ever met in my life. he is truly such a righteous man. now then i realised why sometimes i hate his behavior so much, it was only becos he was so righteous. everyone said he has a charm and now can i see what his charisma is, its becos he is simply one of the nicest person u will ever meet in ur life and that he is so righteous, this is also why i fell so deeply in love with him. he is definitely one of the best catch a girl could ever find. i am truly blessed to have met him in my life. he has taught me so much about life and so much about myself. i can say that he is definitely someone who has made a mark in my life and changed my life. i cannot be more grateful to have met him and i cannot thank god enough to have given him to me for 15 months. i can only blame myself to have let such a great man slip from my life. how i wish i met him a few years later, when i'm more matured when i have become a better person who will match up to him.

I hate myself for taking so long to see this. i am willing to let go now. not becos i stopped loving him, becos i don think i ever will. not becos i want to break another promise. but becos i know he deserves so much better than me and that i'm the one that has been holding him back. he deserves so much more in life, he deserves a good girl, a girl that i can nvr be, a girl that has a heart that i will nvr have. i feel extremely horrible for holding him back the way i did. now do i truly understand what ppl mean when they say you're too good for me. it's true, now can i see that it is not an excuse for break ups becos in this world there really are ppl that are too good for you and too out of ur reach.

Maybe this whole thing wasnt meant to be and i hate myself for taking so long to see it. it was nvr meant to be from the start becos he was someone so wonderful and i destroyed him and in that 15 months when he was with me he could have been with someone so much better. someone so much more deserving of him than i am. and for that i am truly sorry.

So here i am, i feel so much better after admitting my mistake, i should have done this a long time ago. it really takes a lot of courage to admit this to everyone but if i want to become a better person then this will have to be the first step. to admit something so horrible that i've done to such a wonderful person. yes judge me, i am indeed an horrible person and i don deserve any sympathy from anyone. but you know what? i could care less. becos my close friends are the only ones that matters to me and despite them knowing this they are still my friends, therefore other ppl's opinion really doesnt matter to me anymore. i am determined to be a better person from this day on. i want to be a person that will be good enough one day to deserve a man like him. this r/s has really taught me a lot. i cannot feel more hurt that i have sacrificed this r/s for myself to learn such a mistake. this is definitely one of the biggest scarifies i have ever made in my life. and this will always be one of the biggest regret of my life. but of cos as i've said mistakes comes with consequences, so this is the consequence and i'm going to face it and pull through with it.

Johnathan Chua, i wish you all the happiness in this world. thank you so much for everything that you've given to me in the past one and a half years and thank you for everything that you've done for me. i can nvr be more grateful for anything else in my life. I am truly sorry for everything that i have done and i am truly sorry for all the pain that i've caused you. i really nvr meant to hurt you this way. I thank god for having u come into my life. i'm sorry that i had to do this to us and most of all i'm sorry i did this to you, becos you nvr deserved any of this and you only deserve the best. no matter what u will always have a part in my heart and u will always be kept in the deepest and most meaningful part of my heart. i believe that a person will only find one true love in their life time and without a doubt u're definitely my true love. I hope the best for you in everything you do. You are such a great man, pls don ever settle for anything less in the future. you deserve so much more and so much better. For all that is worth, i will always love you. <3

“You’re a hero and a gentleman, you’re kind and honest, but more than that, you’re the first man I ever truly loved. And no matter what the future brings, you always will be, and I know that my life is better for it.”
—Dear John

2011-08-07T22:23:00.000+08:00

12am 8th aug; it's official; no birthday wishes from him. why must you break me like that?

2011-08-06T19:22:00.000+08:00

b'day in 3 hrs. it still hurts so much.

2011-07-30T00:15:00.008+08:00

It's 7am on a monday morning. I've got sch at 8 and i havent slpt at all. There's too many things going on in my head that i just cant seem to fall aslp these days. Initially i wrote this blog entry a few days back but i've decided not to post it in the end. It was wayy too personal. So here i am, one hour before school;blogging.

I don even know how i feel as of now. Maybe the pain has numbed me completely that i cant feel a thing anymore. My heart has been shattered into a million pieces, it hurts so much that somehow i cant seem to feel the pain anymore. I donno where to start to explain how i feel right now.

I'll be back in sg in sep for a whole year of internship. I donno how i feel about that. Initially, before everything happened, i was dying to go back. Now? I donno what to feel about being back for a year. May i should just stay in Sydney for awhile and wait for everything to die down. But yet i miss sg so damn much and i really just wanna be home.

So i went back sg for the weekend, it was only suppose to be for the weekend, but i ended up staying in sg for a week. Yes call me stupid but i actually missed my flight back to Sydney. I don think anyone can ever beat how dumb i am sometimes. I actually saw my flight timing wrongly and only realised it when i got onto the cab. Now i'm in hell loads of debits cos of the two airplane tickets. I've got to work my ass of in the next few months to pay off my debits. At the same time, i'm so grateful for my friends. When i was stuck at the airport, everyone went all out to help me out, even ppl that i've only known since last thurs to ppl whom i have not spoken to in years. I guess it's true when they say you only know who ur real friends are when u're in trouble. I've nvr been more grateful for my friends.

My b'day is a few days away and i've nvr been more modified, not by the idea of turning 20, although that is already scary enough, but i fear that he wouldnt wish me happy b'day. I've been thinking about it the whole night. i cannot imagine how devastated i'll be, i kept playing the scene in my head, on the 7th of aug at 11.59pm and still no happy b'day text from him. The thought makes me sick, makes my stomach wanna flip inside out, upside down. I'm beyond terrified.

Come to the think of this is the first time in a long time that i'm actually single on my b'day. I actually cannot remember when was the last time i spent my b'day being single. And also for the first time in my life i'm actually single single. With absolutely no guys in my life. i mean you know sometimes when u're single u somehow always have guys here and there. This is actually the first time in my life whereby i really don have any guys at all and i'm actually not talking/texting any guy at all. Surprisingly i'm actually fine. I don find myself being needy at all. I always thought that i'm someone who can nvr be single single for gd, cos i hate being along. i hate not having someone there for me. Recently i nvr fail to surprise myself with such self discovery. Maybe it's becos my heart is still with him and my heart is unwilling to let go. i just cannot imagine being with anyone else, i cannot imagine dating anyone else, touching anyone else or loving anyone else. For the first time i actually want to be single, no flings, no date, no flirting, no nothing, i just want to be single and wait for him.

I'm scared to death for what's going to happen in the next one year when i'm back in sg. i nvr thought that i will hate uncertainties. i nvr thought of myself as someone who is afraid of adventures. but yet again for the first time of my life i'm actually freaking out. I'm so scared not knowing what to expect in the next one year. I'm terrified by the thought of not knowing what's ahead of me, i feel as if i'm walking into a dark cave not knowing where the end is. for the first time i'm actually dying for stability, for the first time in my life i actually want something stable. i want to know what to expect, my life as nvr be this blurred out before.

At the same time i'm also scared that i'm going to turn into the gab i was before i met him. This time when i was back i went clubbing 4 times in one week. I feel like my old habits of clubbing 5 times a week is coming back. I don want to be that gab again. i don want to be that party girl again. i was so lost at a period of time and i desperately needed someone to grab hold of me and pull me back to reality. I was really going out of control back then, he was the one who pulled me back together and now i'm lost once again. But i don want to be that person anymore, i don want to turn back into the spinning out of control "gab", i don want to be that "gab" that everyone calls a party girl and gets drunk almost every night puking outside some club. i need him to keep saint.

I've not changed my laptop and phone wallpaper, i refuse to erase any memories of him. becos i don want to. i don want to erase him from my memory, i don want to erase him out of my life. i don want to pretend like nothing happened between us. i want to remember and i want to feel every bit of pain that is left, i want to wait till the day we'll be back together again. i just refuse to move on and i don want to move on. even when i was clubbing and suppose to be having "fun" with my girlfriends, i find myself telling everyone that i wished he was here with me. I would rather feel the pain again and again to atleast know that everything is real. I need to feel this pain to keep myself alive. i know all my close friends are worried sick, seeing me do this to myself. i'm sorry that i have to make you guys worry like that. I donno how to explain this to u guys anymore, but i hope you guys will continue being there for me. for the first time in my life, my friend actually told me i looked so depress while sitting there while everyone else was chatting away. and the thing was that i didnt even realise it myself, i didnt even know i looked that upset, it was as if everything that was going on inside of me was unknowingly showing on my face.

In the past few weeks, i've been insulted, i've been scolded, i've been beaten to the ground by words. But i refuse to fight back becos i promised him that i wont. For him, i can let ppl insult, i can let the world scold the shit out of me, i can lose my pride, i can lose my dignity, i can let people hit me, i can let ppl say shit in my face. I can go through all these, hoping that one day i could have him back again. I am willing to endure any sort of pain, be it physical pain, emotional pain, verbal pain, mental pain, i can go through all sorts of pain just for that 0.00000000001% of chance that we might get back together again.

I guess this is really love. i don think i have ever been this way before. I don think i've ever felt this way about anyone before, not even towards A, though we were together on and off for 3 years and it did kill a little of me when we broke up for gd but it didnt kill me like that, it didnt make me feel this way. cos after we broke up i did the typical "find another guy to get over ur ex" thing. this time i'm just waiting, waiting for him to come back

i donno how i'm going to get through this, i really dont. everyone kept telling me i am the only one that can help myself. Evan told me "i cant help you if you're like that", i was thinking to myself maybe i don wanna be helped, maybe i just wanna live this way, maybe i just want to be miserable so i can always feel what is left of him.

Ok, it's almost 8. cant wait to go down to melb on weds so i can be with lyanne. i think i really need her with me now and i'm glad i'll atleast be spending my b'day with her, that will make me feel alot better. really looking forward to that. time for sch!

p.s. i promised you i'll wait and i'm going to keep that promise. no guys, no flings, no nothing; just going to wait right here for you. <3

Mambo Jumbo with my lovebos. (:

On the ferry heading to the airport.

Thanks for picking me up from the airport and meeting me for supper!! LOVE YOU THREE!
NEWTON!!!!

Hatched!

my gurdian angel! ((:

Holland Nasi Lemak & Laska! Ly's fav! (:
Fosters high tea!
Have been craving swirl art since the last time i went back! finally satisfied my cravings.
Burger Shack meatballs!
my 3 heros!

Balestier BKT! (:

see you in one month SINGAPORE!

2011-07-17T18:23:00.002+08:00

Look into my eyes - you will see
What you mean to me
Search your heart - search your soul
And when you find me there you'll search no more

Don't tell me it's not worth tryin' for
You can't tell me it's not worth dyin' for
You know it's true
Everything I do - I do it for you

Look into your heart - you will find
There's nothin' there to hide
Take me as I am - take my life
I would give it all - I would sacrifice

Don't tell me it's not worth fightin' for
I can't help it - there's nothin' I want more
Ya know it's true
Everything I do - I do it for you

There's no love - like your love
And no other - could give more love
There's nowhere - unless you're there
All the time - all the way

Oh - you can't tell me it's not worth tryin' for
I can't help it - there's nothin' I want more
I would fight for you - I'd lie for you
Walk the wire for you - ya I'd die for you

Ya know it's true
Everything I do - I do it for you

I do it for you(Everything I do)-Bryan Adam

2011-07-15T18:52:00.003+08:00

Do you ever just sit down one day and think back on how happy you once were and ask urself how the hell did i end up here? Well, i'm having one of those days right now. I'm thinking back on those happy times i had with him and its killing me right now. Becos suddenly those happy times seem so far away, i might never have those times with him again.

i remember how we first started. it was just pure bliss from the top of my head right to my toes. i was SOOOOO happy when him and i just started out. It was the kind of happiness that i have nvr ever felt with anyone else in my life. It seemed like nothing else in this world will ever go wrong as long as i have him right next to me. We were so in love, we could just lie next to each other and stare into each others eyes for hours, we could just sit on ur sofa talked till the sun comes up, we were unbeatable, it seemed like nothing else in this world will ever tear us apart.

I donno what happened along the way, was it me or was it him? Well i always believe it takes two hands to clap. we were both definitely at fault, there's no point pointing out who was more at fault for what has happened to our r/s. But i would like to think there is still hope and there might still be a future for us. Then again maybe there nvr will be again.

i remember the next night after we made up, we went to the water lines and just sat there, you lying on my lap, talking about all those happy times we once had and looking into the distance, it felt so peaceful and everything felt so right again. I remember driving back home in my car and "do you remember" was playing on the radio, i couldnt help but to cry while driving, suddenly everything just came back to me and i hate what has happened to us.

I remember the next day going to catch a movie and we were playing dance dance revolution in the arcade and having so much fun, we havent had that much fun in such a long time. I remember when it was just the two of us taking the lift and you hugged me from the back telling me how much u've missed me.

I remembered us watching a movie on ur bed, a movie u were suppose to watch with another girl when you cuddled me from the back i couldnt help but to tear, thinking this could be someone else you're cuddling. i remember going kite flying, ice skating, pigging out at koka, watching u write in that scrapbook at kap in the middle of the night. it felt as if it was just ytd, but somehow it seems so far away.

It killed me knowing that you think it's better for us to be apart and doing this long distance thing seemed better for our r/s. I wont totally disagree, we seem to be doing much better now. we seem so much happier now and i know u don wanna risk this cos things are so gd. But if we are better at doing long distance than being together than what does that actually make us? does that mean that we're better together when we're actually not together? so does that actually mean that it's better for us to not be together?

there's so many things going on in my head right now. part of me kept thinking that maybe we were nvr meant to be and all these time we were both trying so hard to hold on to something that was nvr meant to be in the first place. But another part of me kept thinking, how could it be, how could it be that we're not meant to be when we had so many good memories together and we were once so happily together? how could it be that two people was once so in love, we were totally inseparable at the beginning, and now we seem to be doing better being physically apart from each other? how did all this happened? what went wrong?

i feel further away from u more than i have ever felt. becos i know you got used to not having me around and you actually prefer it this way. becos i know in the last few months, i've slowly been fading away in ur life. the moment you told me that you rather prefer doing long d for 9 months and not seeing each other at all than to have me back for one year, i knew i just knew right then that was the end of everything. that was the end to everything that i've been holding on to. that was the end to all my happiness. that was the end of our story.

i cannot hate myself more for what has happened. i cannot stop thinking about all those happy times we once had, i fucking hate everything that has happened. i just want everything to go back to the way it was last year January and just stay there and nvr come back. but now it's too late, before last night i thought we still had it all and we could still work everything out. but after last night i just knew it was the end, now, it's really too late.

atleast i have those happy memories to think back on, but really i rather not. i rather not remember any of those happy memories i had, i now hate myself for having such a gd memory, hating the fact that i can remember every single detail right down to what u were wearing on those days. i rather not remember becos it's too painful for me to know how happy we can be together and makes miss everything, absolutely everything about you. it also reminds me that no one, absolutely no one in this world will every make me that happy again.

I wish things worked out differently, i wish i could turn back time and doing everything all over again, i promise to make things right, but whats the point? i've been slowly fading away in ur life and u've slowly fallen out of love with me. i donno how i'm gonna get through all these knowing that i don have your heart anymore, or maybe i nvr had it in the first place. this is when i know my heart has stopped at john.